Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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