I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize