My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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