She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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