woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
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I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
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Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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