then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize