Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
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I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
why is half of my head shaved?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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