so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize