Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
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besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
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