i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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