i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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