cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize