Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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