so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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