I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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