when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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