Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
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Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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