We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
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I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
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The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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