My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
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