You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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