I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
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