Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize