I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
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if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
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You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
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