just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
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THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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