good thing vaginas are great cup holders
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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