i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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