That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
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