i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So many bounce houses so little time
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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