i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
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