Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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