I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize