if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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