so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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