well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
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Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
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when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize