remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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