He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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