If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
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We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
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He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize