my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize