I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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