Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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