I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
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The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
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It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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