You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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