He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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