She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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