chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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