Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
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i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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