Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
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guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
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I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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