we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
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he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
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I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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