So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize