it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
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He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
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Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I need a beard to bite.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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